i sucked the moon

puttin' the crack back in crackhead

2004-12-13T21:19:34Z

man oh man- i finally have this computer back up and running. i think it's been close to two months since i've even checked my email and who knew that i had 266 unread emails in my bulk inbox. i guess the advertisements are there to love you even when no one else will. work has been the same plus a few more crackheads here and there. i don't find out about the pharmacy tech certification until some time in january. i went to dallas last weekend and had an appointment with dr. raphael for my chest reconstruction. ok- that's done; now i have to figure out a way to pay for it. i think first thing is first though- i must call and get declined from capital one, and then i will definately feel better about things. lillith is all curled up down by my feet being a cutehead. she plays fetch, which is one of the coolest things in the whole world. i will go over to nick's later and hopefully we can drink some coffee b/c i feel like i'm going to need it b/c my sleep schedule is FUCKED in the head. nick came with me to allie's parents' house for thanksgiving and i was so grateful that he got to experience some of the crazy that is her family. her grandmother was there and she is such a sweethead and her mom is sweet as well- just understandably off in her own world these days. the night after thanksgiving nick, allie, and i met some other people at south beach for allie's birthday and nick and i had been drinking all night so i had to throw up a few times there, which was gross, but somehow not as gross as throwing up at the ten. hmmmm... i felt like i needed some air that wasn't being shared by hot, sweaty dancing queens, so nick and i went outside and some big crazy lesbian woke up out of her drunkenness and asked us if nick and i were going to have sex, and we had to drunkenly explain to her why that wasn't going to happen. she was confused. we were confused. i had to puke a few more times. allie's birthday was nov. 28, which was the sunday after that and i reserved a room at a hotel which (thank god) was not the ramada, and i had all of these candles that i had gotten from bath and body which i knew were some of her favorite scents and some with pretty candle holders, and i set it up. it was very nice. the next day we went to breakfast and then bookie legosi got all three of us into the new bridgette jones movie for free b/c allie really wanted to see it. then i had promised her that i would play her some music on the ole' sexophone, so bookie, allie, and i came back here and did just that. then we ran around in hermann park and took pictures. then i took her to buca di beppo where i gave her our tickets to the opera ("the little prince"), which is for this coming weekend.

that's that. now. i have some teevee to watch. smell ya later.

the pre-work update workout

2004-09-29T02:43:07Z

unfortunately, i have to return to work in about half an hour, so this will be quick, i guess. last weekend (not this last weekend but last last weekend) i went to austin for the austin city limits music festival, and it was AWESOME (in parts). it was 3 straight days of being outside in 90 degree weather, but i did get to see the roots, solomon burke, ryan adams, the pixies, elvis costello, cake, dashboard confessional, and some more that i really maybe don't want to remember. i can't go too much into any of it b/c i have about 5 minutes, but all in all it was a fun time. this last friday ft. bend county court was closed due to the county fair. why? i'm not sure, but i am sure that my shit has to sit there until at least this friday. that's how it goes. america's next top model is BACK in full FXXXX though, and it's on tomorrow again!!! i adopted a kitten, but she is being spayed this week, so she can't move in until this weekend. i'm very excited though b/c she's so little and cute and black and shy. that's it for now. oh yeah- i saw "a dirty shame"- the new john waters movie at the movies for free a few nights ago and it was a laugh-fest. anyway- that's all for now.

the update

2004-08-30T22:57:28Z

okay- i went to court on friday and filed my case to be heard on this coming friday. i didn't know that you had to be there before 9 am to file your case, but now i know, and now i don't have to go at 9- i just have to be there at 1:30. i hope i don't have to press that shirt again b/c that would make me upset. should i take it out of the backseat of my car? probably.

anyway- i shaved my head today. i had a serious jew-fro situation animal disability on my head, and it asked me nicely to remove it. then it got mean and then rabid. it had to be taken care of.

also- why do people drive vehicles called Toyota Tundras in texas? is there a tundra here that i am unaware of? in houston? hmmmm...

the 23rd was my 6 month mark on the ole' T, and allie came to work that morning and she said that she had a surprise for me, but she was on her way to work and i was busy, so i didn't open it up until i got home. she gave me a tie and a card that basically said that she was really happy to be with me. it made me really happy. she's a sweetie.

okay- i watched "godsend" the other day, which is this movie that nick, sarah, and i kept seeing previews for on every single Lionsgate movie that we watched. finally, it's out on video. it was okay, but the ending really sucked, and i don't see what the big deal is about rebecca romajn(-stamos) is. she's kind of a shitty actress and she looks weird. i mean- come on now- she doesn't look nearly as weird as Nipples Watts's nipples, but who does? who does?

that's all for now.

some of my favorite things

2004-08-15T19:46:13Z

i addressed my last entry to friends and stalkers, and i was half kidding about the stalkers. however, it turns out that they do exist,

and get this:

i am holier than thou regardless of how many times i misuse the english language.

buahahahahahahahaahahhahaahahhahaahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

try me, kids. i promise that i'm smarter (than most). oh- that's right. you did try. is that what you called it? try? i really hope so because maybe i thought my stalkers were simply retarded, but they aren't. at least the retarded don't "try" to outwit people that they know they can't.

blood roses for dinner, kids

2004-08-13T23:34:33Z

so the work update goes something like this (kick it old school, hurricane!):

the new girl says to me, "i didn't know you were getting a sex change." then she proceeds to tell me not to be mad when i didn't understand what the hell she was talking about and i wanted to know where it had come from. she also told me that it doesn't matter what people think of me. really? you know the funny thing is i hadn't come to that conclusion in my life yet. thank you so much, white trash girl. i'll make sure that next time i need a life lesson on how to make southern-roasted grape jelly i will definately come to you. little fuck.

i went and had a blood test yesterday. they got me mixed up with someone else and i think they took too much blood and when i saw how much blood they took i definately proceeded to pass out. i'm cool like that. so i took my woozy ass down the street to walgreens afterwards because i needed some toothpaste, and i had to talk to freaking joyce. another fucking stupid. anyway- i also got a sharps container (finally) and she asked me something crazy about re-using needles or something. i'm not sure...i was very foggy at that point and just wanted to go home. anyway- i was like- no i don't re-use needles. she was like- oh that's for your hormones. whatev- she's like- "now do the hormones take your titties away and grow you a dick?" no, actually after this i'm going down to the local bodyshop and getting that "sex change" we've all been talking about their. it's actually easy- you just go in and ask for the "glen of glenda special".

it's times like these that i wish i could call my mom and tell her what's going on with me and how it makes me feel. i know that's stupid, but that's how i feel and where my instincts take me. i remember 6 years ago when suellen's roommate's mom outted both of us to the entire butler music school faculty. i didn't care that much, but suellen was of course freaking out b/c she was in the closet. anyway- my mom somehow weaseled out of me what had been going on, and she was like- well this is the life that you chose you know, and this is what happens. (i actually just rolled my eyes) so big d calls and leaves me these freakish messages last night right before i went to bed, which i decided could wait until i woke up to deal with. she always asks how things are going, and i'm always like- ok. whatever. what the hell does she want me to say??? "oh- things are a little messy at the moment, MOM, people at work keep asking me if i'm going to get a sex change and i don't even have a good answer for them. they treat me as if i'm an animal in a cage and they just keep rattling my fucking bars. i'm ready to scream at them. i'm glad you asked b/c i've been meaning to talk to you about my feelings, you know." MOM, "well, what do you expect? of course people are confused. i tried to warn you not to do this, but you never listen to me. by the way, have you paid your phone bill..."

why am i being so bitter?

why am i repeatedly asking rhetorical questions to which i know the answers?

blah

what i really need is some coffee...

2004-08-12T12:13:13Z

alright- an update for my dearest friends and personal stalkers...first i just want to say two quick and important things:

"13 going on 30" was so fucking cute and jennifer garner is totally my girlfriend for super-happy days. mark ruffulo (sp?) may have sharky teefs but he's the cute.

"starsky and hutch" rock the haus (that's german rockin' for 'house' sans the oomlau (sp????)). it's been really hard to watch juliette lewis in anything and see her as being anything other than retarded since "the other sister". poor girl is the new type-cast retard for the rest of her years.

more entertainment news- diana degarmo fell off a stage during the idol tour in some city- i don't know or give a fuck where. my question is this: was she doing that obnoxious laugh on her way overboard?

jamie foxx is going to play ray charles in a biopic of ray charles coming out later this year.

i will write more about the crazy sex change conversations later when i'm feeling it. i really have to prime myself for dealing with the ghetto dentist receptionist attitude and finding those damned pay stubs.

this is not a real update

2004-08-10T14:33:26Z

i have a lot to say but i have to sleepipoo right away.

last night started out with some recently-hired girl saying (as i'm walking in the door to clock in), "i didn't know that you were going to have a sex change?"

i didn't either.

more on all of it later.

The Replacements (not the band)

2004-08-03T11:46:59Z

ok- i have taken the honor (betowed upon by myself) to replace jesse. if you are or know any of these people, please get them in contact with me ASAP except for Morrissey- i don't want to talk to him or hear him speak anymore than i have to these days.

anyway-

#1 Morrissey- another one-named, retarded, socially-inept faglet that should have been booted from society when he refused to give marr the reach-around that he of all people deserved.

#2 Dubya- hopefully he will be back in Texas soon and will be in need of a job. he's perfect to fill the spot of a slow blood-thirsty warmonger who chuckles constantly for no appearant reason.

#3 Madonna- as a catholic-born jewish mystic with a british accent from detroit, i feel that she would fit in perfectly with our already ridiculous work crew.

#4 Saddam Hussein- refer back to #2 for details.

#5 Courtney Love and Francis Bean- it could be the reunion tour of the CENTURY, and Love just may be trashy enough to divert mr. mcCollum's gross eyes from MY girlfriend for like 2 minutes.

jesse and his insane clown possee have officially gotten the Texas bootipoos

2004-08-03T07:31:53Z

for those of you out there who are in the dark about the goings-on of jesse and his shenantics, here is a brief run-down in numerical form:

#1 jesse was hired when i was in the middle of february. we all thought he was in his 20's.

#2 turns out he's 40 this year- stupid cancers - all of them.

#3 he is slow (very, almost retardedly slow) but is not handicapped. in fact he is so slow that he can't really manage to run a register properly. he told me that i must have been working at walgreens for quite some time due to register expertise and dexterity.

#4 we find out that he was fired from J.R.'s (local gay club) where he served as a bus boy because he held his manager up with a knife one night.

#5 jesse is sick a lot and has had bouts of mysterious illnesses since he was a child according to him. he starts drinking nyquil and dayquil on a regular basis at work.

#5 Patrick, one of the pharmacists, enters the men's restroom one night to peepee and finds jesse standing towards the urinal- pants and underwear down around his ankles- just staring and holding his stuff with a feather duster sticking out of his butt. jesse fails to acknowledge Patrick's presence in the restroom but does manage to squirt out a fart while Patrick washes his hands.

#6 see #5 but replace Patrick's name and occupation with Ross, a coworker. no fart that i can remember.

#7 walgreens takes quick and direct action by granting jesse with his feather duster as no one wants to use it after that. however, we are not actually allowed to discuss any of the "butt duster scenario" with anyone other than 3rd shift, so it is possible that 1st and 2nd shift are using the alleged butt duster. they don't know that where it's been.

#8 there are many, many idol threats of firing jesse because he can't seem to his work done in the 10 hours that he is allotted.

#9 jesse has to ask mr. mcCollum to use the restroom because he's been in there quite a bit recently washing his hands for 20 minutes at a time among other "dusting" activities.

#10 in the last month and a half, jesse starts telling some coworkers and the security guards that he has to shop at walgreens on his nights off (almost every night since he's been hired) because if he didn't he would just sleep all day and there's no point in being alive if all you are going to do is sleep all day. he might as well just kill himself like his mother and sister.

#11 mr. mcCollum has to reprimand jesse for the last time about going up to "cute boys" and hugging them from behind because it scares them and they don't know who jesse is.

#12 one night while shopping at walgreens on a night off (well spent, i might add), jesse tells mr. mcCollum and I that he is a prophet and he was put on this earth to kill innocent people and himself. mr. mcCollum told him not to say things like that because walgreens could fire him and jesse argued that this was what he was put here to do and that's that. side note- this conversation started because mr. mcCollum asked what the bulge was in jesse's pocket and jesse said it was protection. (it was a toy gun). mr. mcCollum pointed out that someone might call the police if he were to start lecturing people on his prophecies as he was doing at the moment, and jesse replied that the police were already privy to this information because when he got fired from J.R.'s jesse told the police all about his meaning in life.

#13 jesse tells us one last scary piece of information. aparently it was the anniversery of some shoot out situation involving a strange and violent man and a mcDonalds. jesse is proud of this and has saved the newspaper clippings, laminated, and hung them framed on his wall. he also has the new story of the event on video tape. jesse says that when he gets a real gun he is going to go to a mcDonalds and blow it away.

#14 almost 2 weeks later jesse is fired for not getting his work done on time- again.

that's the story of jesse and how we are all going to die very soon because i'm positive that no one called the police and clued them in that walgreens was firing a man who has promised that he is going to blow away innocent people.

my only hope is that this happens on my night off.

they don't call me the steppenwolf for nothing, kids

2004-08-02T21:09:31Z

Category V - The Lone
Wolf

Though you'd be welcome in most groups, you prefer
a more solitary path.

What Type of Social Entity are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

here i go here i go here i go again; girls what's my problem? MEN!!!

2004-07-20T12:08:26Z

okay, i'm back, kids. i've been back for a second now but i really haven't had the time to update properly. however, i was off last night and i am off tonight. (yes!!!) there are so many things that i wanted to write here, but now i've forgotten everyone of them except this tidbitter: i'm so freaking angry at mary-kate olsen for taking up all the good front-page tabloid space because of her fucking eating disorder. i'm over it- the eating disorder that is. i don't give a fuck about it anymore- i am way more interested in whether or not cameron diaz and justin timberlake are breaking up, ok? does anyone feel me out there? plus- why the hell do the olsen trolls get some much press these days? the only movies they're in are those idiot ones that only star them in all the parts, you know. ugh. that's it for now because i have to download word on my computer b/c best buy stole it along with my heart and soul.

it's unfortunate

2004-05-02T06:44:22Z

i really hate the idea of editing anything at all, but what has to be done has to be done. i had to disable a few from making comments on this journal because they can't seem to get enough of me, and i was through with them months ago. some even tried to send me emails, which i deleted because i don't care one bit. they don't seem to get that though, so i had to make the decision for them. i love how people react so fast to everything and very few things have any relation to them whatsoever. at least i know my words hit a chord, which was their intention. i felt pushed to the point of complete and utter honesty about things that i never wanted to have to say to anyone. i feel better that it's out though- like a weight being lifted. i sent nick a copy of the said-email, and what he said was unfortunately very true. "you didn't even have to make any of that stuff up, you know. that's stuff that you've felt all this time, and while it was harsh, it was completely honest." <---this was not a direct quote. i paraphrased for the benefit of some of my lower-IQ readers, but i felt that it was important, nonetheless, the show that some people do understand the difference between paraphrases and deleting and adding words and whole sentences to make themselves look better. at least the end of the world is nearer than it was yesterday.

the fortunate thing is that there is nothing that can ruin my good mood, which is an odd feeling for me. right now the fight has been taken out of me. i don't feel the need to be angry and i don't feel angry. i just feel easy-going. the past few days have been incredible. we all went to the chances then to katz's and then i went to allie and becky's house and it was such a nice time. allie's a great person, and i feel like we are on the same page. nothing is moving too fast and everything seems to be in its right place. my question is where the hell are the cds??? maybe sarah flushed them down the toilet? i need answers!!! i'm sure they will turn up, and i'm going to hang out with nick tomorrow night which i can't wait to do. anyway- i have a movie to watch. catch ya kids, on the flip side.

an admission

2004-04-30T12:15:28Z

work goes so much faster when i'm getting laid on a regular basis.

things that are sad

2004-04-25T16:44:28Z

i think it's terribly sad when

#1 people lack a sense of humor about themselves

#2 people take sarah's online quiz and get mad at her about things that never happened

#3 people make up things and cite references that don't exist

#4 people think that posting anonymously is a good way of posting

#5 people who obviously haven't gotten over their own shit target people from their past and accuse them of insane things like "sucking cock and cunt for money"

however, i also find the above funny. i thought that walgreens customers and workers were some of the most ignorant people i had come across, but i was wrong. all i really had to do was come home after work and read my friends page. stupidity is only amusing for a short amount of time though. it becomes quickly annoying. just ask jesse from work who is retarded. i would wager lots of money on jesse having a higher IQ than most of our ex's, sarah.

cheers to pretense and skanky ass!

thank you

2004-04-25T02:46:51Z

i have to get ready and go to work in about 2 seconds, but i wanted to say thank you to the people who gave me the best birthday in the world. sarah got me to get up and go to nick's where allie and becky were waiting to surprise me, which was the awesome. karan made us some good eats and we had cake. we played a very bizarre but entertaining version of balderdash with nick's parents, which was what it bizarre and entertaining and slightly frustrating. tuesday night while i worked allie and becky came over and sarah and the two of them (and some random guy who was doing his laundry) moved in a couch that allie had to get rid of because she's gettting another one. when i got home there was a couch and it was a SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!! i had no idea it was going to be there and it was awesome. sarah gave me a card and orchestrated the best birthday in the whole entire world. i'm really fortunate to have the best friends on the planet. chrissa and heatha sent me email and e-card, and that made me happy. all-in-all, it was a great day. thanks, kids, for everything.

on birthdays

2004-04-20T18:46:10Z

i freaked out the other day when i was getting breakfast for sarah and i from mcdonald's. i thought- omg- i have no money to spend on my birthday, i'm going to be 25-fucking years old, and i work at fucking walgreens. what the hell have i done with my life? then i was depressed. sarah understood because i spent her 25th birthday with her and she had a lot of the same general feelings. i didn't understand one bit then what the hell her problem was, but i do now.

so, sarah suggested writing this entry and i think it was a good idea. here goes...

the last birthday that we have spent together was my 22nd at the 10 with tresa and marcus. it was a good time, but then i turned 23 and here we start. a little background:

april 21, 2002 i was still living in my apartment at williamsburg. i was not speaking to sarah this year at all. i was with erin at this point (but switched back and forth a lot between her and femme jenni). i wasn't working because i was taking 1 (that's right, folks, one) class to finish my damn degree. erin and i tried to go to louisville but 65 was closed and we were on the road for 8 million years. erin was super pissed about it and i was just trying to have a nice birthday. all and all it wasn't a particularly good or bad birthday. it just was. i was completely unhappy though with everything except for my professor at buttshits. soon after that my mom thought i was missing and called everyone including the prison, femme jenni, and butler to find out where i was. my phone had just been turned off for one whole day. if dating erin wasn't working out, dating jenni sure as hell wasn't either, but i perservered through both. good for me. haha. i wasn't really living at that point- i was just killing time.

april 21, 2003 i was living at solidarity bookstore with erin because i had been kicked out of my apartment. there was no meat allowed in the house, no orignal thought, and soon after my birthday i wasn't allowed to live there either. this was the beginning of the "bif does as many crazy and self-destructive things as possible era". i don't think erin and i were together at this point because she had fallen in love with some married 40 year old dude on the internet. i'm glad i can't remember his fucking name. however, we did make it to louisville where we ate good food and went to an incredible record shop. sarah was in hell, kansas where she was being held prisoner and i couldn't even offer her a couch to sleep on because erin wouldn't allow it because sarah and i would spend too much time together. i didn't have a say in this. it wasn't my place. i wasn't working because i was too busy doing gross things to my mind and health- mostly alcohol and pot at this point, but the rest came shortly after.

if i had one birthday wish, it would be this: i would go back in time to those 2 seperate birthday occasions and say, "Beth/Bif, i know you don't know who i am, but i'm you. seriously. i know this is crazy, but i'm you and you're Saul now, and you're going to go through hell very very soon. you're going to do crazy things that will affect you for the rest of your life. i know that you're sad/angry about everything and you want to cry/kill, but i promise that everything will be better sooner than you know. yes, i'm 25 today and i work at walgreens and make barely enough money to survive. however, i live far, far away from mom and dad, i'm on testosterone and i haven't done anything since before i left indy over 6 months ago besides smoke weed one time. sarah and i are roommates and it's one of the best living situations on the planet known to man. i've stopped dating carbon copies of my mom and i've made a completely new and much healthier life for myself. i'm still sad and angry at times, but it's not overwhelming. i know that you will forget this as soon as i'm gone and think that it was a crazy hallucination, but my one wish was for you to know this- things will vastly improve; i promise. happy birthday, kid, but 2004 will be your happiest birthday yet."

biffy_sunshine @ 2004-04-17T07:57:00

2004-04-17T13:40:01Z

[BASIC...]
name = Saul Benjamin Hudacin
age = 24 (for exactly 4 more days)
piercings = my ears used to be pierced- i'm sure i could still stick shit in them if i so desired
tattoos = none
height= 5'6"-5"7"
shoe size = 8-9
hair color = brown
siblings = clu (claire)
birthplace = hammond, indiana
hometown = griffith, indiana
live now = houston, texas

[LAST...]
movie you watched = prey to rock and roll
movie you bought= it would be closer to something i could remember if it said "last movie you sold"
song you listened to = "you can't always get what you want" by the rolling stones
song that was stuck in you head = "shadows of the night"- maybe that's pat benatar???
cd you bought = the latest lamb album that i really am too tired to remember the name of
cd you listened to = see the above
person you've called = allie - a couple nights ago
person that's called you = i'm afraid to go look because maybe my mom has called
tv show you've watched = the apprentice finale (which was the awesome)

[DO...]
you have a crush on someone = yeah
you wish you could live somewhere else = at this moment- no
you think about suicide = not really
you believe in online dating =i'm not sure i understand- online and then meeting and dating or keeping it online- is it strictly online all the time??? i'm confused
others find you attractive = sometimes
you want more piercings = no
you like cleaning = no
you like roller coasters = no
you write in cursive or print = it depends to whom i am writing

[FOR OR AGAINST...]
long distance relationships =not really
using someone = sure, why not?
suicide = i'm not pro-suicide for myself. i don't really care about others.
killing people =i think it depends on the situation. i'm not for just out and out killing people but sometimes people get killed in self-defense and that's different
driving drunk = no
gay/lesbian relationships = sure

[HAVE YOU...]
ever cried over a girl = of course
ever cried over a boy = no
ever lied to someone = yeah
ever been in a fist fight = no

[WHAT...]
shampoo do you use = suave- i don't really know- it's cheap and i've had for 8000 years now
shoes do you wear = some tennis/walking/hiking situations that are way too small for my feet
are you scared of = water, heights, roller coasters, camille on american idol, having to listen to music at walgreens for the rest of my life

[NUMBER...]
of times I have been in love = i've no idea at this point. love has been defined and redefined so many times in my life. i don't have a clue- more than a few though.
of times I have had my heart broken = i think about 4 times
of hearts I have broken = maybe 2- that's a high estimate though
of times my name has appeared in the newspaper = a few times when i was little because of soccer and music things and once when i was in college for some reality television interview
of things in my past that I regret = i try my hardest not to regret, but i've learned a lot in my life through past mistakes and regrets- so i guess a few

[DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...]
pretty = hmmm
hot = sometimes
friendly = sometimes
amusing = probably
ugly = physically- i don't think i'm ugly all the time, but sometimes i do
loveable = yeah
caring = to people that are close to me
sweet = to some
dorky = always

[FAVORITE...]
5 letter word: bitch
Actor/actress: maggie gyllenhaal- she's my girlfriend
Candy: cadbury eggs
Cartoon: king of the hill, simpsons, futurama, south park
Cereal: anything granola
Chewing gum: none
Color(s): red
Color nail polish: hmmm- depends- none for me though
Day of week: thursdays because that's my day off (but there really is no thursday like half price drink night at the 10)
Least fave day: sunday
Flower: orchids
Jello flavor: cherry
Jewelry: anything leather- i really wish i had a watch with a big leather band
Special skills/talents: i'm good at belching, sleeping for 900 years, writing music
Summer/Winter: summer, i guess, but what about spring???

[PERSON WHO LAST...]
Slept in your bed: i think nick slept in my bed about a month ago because sarah had hurt herself and i was going to be gone, so i let him sleep there.
Saw you cry: sarah
Made you cry: me
You went to the movies with: sarah and nick
Yelled at you: probably sarah when we were having it out about a month ago- i kind of pushed her there though
Sent you an email: allie- it made my morning

[HAVE YOU EVER...]
Said "I love you" and meant it: yeah
Gone out in public in your pajamas: yeah
Cried during a movie: sure
Planned your week based on the TV: of course. who wants to leave the house when there are crazy people running around???
Been on stage: yes
Been to New York: yes
Been to California: no
Hawaii: no
China: no
Canada: no
Europe: yes
Asia: no
South America: no
Australia: no
Wished you were another gender: that's tough. yes and no- mostly yes
What time is it now?: 8:26 am

[THIS OR THAT...]
Apples or bananas: bananas
Blue or red: red
Walmart or target: walmart
Spring or Fall: spring
What are you gonna do after you finish this?: take a shit
What was the last meal you ate: i had taco cabana on my lunch break
Are you bored: yeah, but mostly tired
Last noise you heard: the fan and the air conditioner
Last smell you sniffed: outside it smells kind of like rain

[FRIENDSHIP/LOVE...]
Do you believe in love at first sight: yeah
Do you want children: i don't know
Most important thing to you in a friendship is: honestly, loyalty

[OTHER INFO...]
Criminal record: none
Do you speak any other languages: i'm fluent in burritanese
Last book you read: i'm reading "the plague" and it's awesome-tech
Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: sarah- hahahha- she's not a thing though
Worst feeling in the world: when you feel like everything is closing in and there is no hope and no light and no way out of this current feeling
Who do you love: sarah, nick, clu, i guess my mom and dad

[YOU...]
Nickname(s): bif, biffy
Initials: SBH
How old do you look: pre-pubesent (sp?)
How old do you act: it depends
Glasses/Contacts: glasses
Braces: not for many many years
Do you have any pets: no
You get embarrassed: rarely
What makes you happy: new good music, going to the record store, watching movie, hanging out with nick and sarah , sex, jacking off, dogs, cats, buster the next door neighbor kitten, honesty
What upsets you: commercials, most people, having a butt-load of laundry to do, doing dishes, being hungry, dishonesty

[FINISH THE SENTENCE...]
I love to: go to soundwaves and listen to new albums that i haven't heard
I miss: jill, desire, bertie, and JJ
I wish: for a million dollars
I hope: that JJ doesn't get royally screwed by that heinus bitch
I'm annoyed by: people that want to pay me in pennies when i have a line of 8 million people behind them
I am: extremeley passionate AND lazy
I want to be: jacking off at this present moment
I'd rather be: asleep for the past few hours
I am tired of: stupidity and ironic trucker caps
I will always be: smarter than most people think i am

bad lesbians bad lesbians whacha gonna do whacha gonna do when they come for you?

2004-04-09T09:46:48Z

i had a great night tonight, and i'm in such a good mood. sarah and i went over to allie and becky's to meet up and travel to the terrible art showing at U of H. ugh. it was...terrible and made sarah angry, which i understood. i tried to reassure sarah that visual art was indeed not going down the tubes. i've no idea if she was convinced or not. anyway- we went back over to their apartment and had dinner, and everything was nice and seemed in its right place. becky was super drunk and asked me many questions that started with, "i don't want to offend you, but..." i had to explain to her how terribly difficult she would have to try in order to actually offend me. the pre-dinner and dinner conversations were really great. we laughed a lot, sarah got burned A LOT (by becky and the unfortunate cigarette cherry that was stuck to sarah's finger), and we ate A LOT. we didn't even realize that it was after 12, and if we were going to make it to the chances we were going to have to get a move on little doggies. so we left in different cars and sarah and i talked the whole time (75% of the time i was very confused but we brought it all together in the last 3 minutes). then we went in the chances, which was terrible- of course. who knew that there was a whole other section called "the barn" where there was karaoke, bad dancing, and even worse singing? we did not, but we were soon involved in the voyeur aspects of all of it. becky continued to get drunk and sarah, allie, and i stared with mouths gaping at the atrocities that were happening on the dance floor. it was too much at one point, and we had to go to a different part of the bar, but we came back just in time for our favorite singer, which made sarah actually want to commit suicide and made me want to go on a killing spree. lucky us. then it suddenly closed and we went to Katz's where i had matzah ball soup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sarah and i were very happy to be in an actual jewish deli and allie just couldn't get over the fact that Katz's never closes. there was an extreme skank-o-thon going on behind us while we were learning about becky's two almost-death experiences. it was really a nice time. i was nervous having everyone hang out because this is usually the time when whomever i am dating decides that it's a good idea to bring out the claws and the sharp teeth, but that never happened tonight. sarah and allie got along famously (i would usually never say that phrase, but hats off to nick) and promised each other that they were hanging out again in the near future. sarah likes allie a lot. allie likes sarah a lot. this was one of the best dates i've possibly ever had. i forgot to mention this: allie is beautiful- honestly. she has super-vibrant green eyes and such a beautiful face and everything else...everything else. i can't talk about that now because there are really not enough cold showers in the world at this point (let's be honest). we're in awesome moods right now, and i can't wait to do it again- soon.

biffy_sunshine @ 2004-04-03T03:36:00

2004-04-03T09:43:10Z

these last few days have been some of the best since i've started working at walgreens. i bought lamb's new album (which is the awesome), saw "eternal sunlight of the spotless mind" and "21 grams", hung out with nick and sarah, and went out on a really great date. we'd been emailing each other for a few weeks now, and that was nice but i'm having a little (a lot of) trouble believing that people are who they say they are through emails and shit like that. anyway- we had just hung out and drank coffee and talked for about 5 hours or something like that and she invited sarah and i to some drag show fundraiser that her roommate was a part of. unfortunately, i had to decline the invitation because i hadn't slept in hours at that point. anyway- it was a really great time, and she wants to hang out again. see- things are cyclical.

you know what i love these days?

2004-04-01T18:32:52Z

the concept that mendolsohn (i can't remember how to spell his fucking name) has made "great" symphonies. when did this happen? did fanny right them for him? jesus christ. i was at half price books and i was looking through some old lp's - barbara's "wet" was among them, and i saw leonard bernstein conducts...and i got super excited and then i saw that it was mendolsohn's great symphonies. ugh - how irritating.

my new girlfriend

2004-03-25T15:41:44Z

she totally won saul's next girlfriend contest the other night on the Tv.

"you're retro career me-me-me-melted"

2004-03-24T19:26:38Z

i had a really great morning this morning. after work i went to borders and "borrowed" some books and then i went to cactus music and rented "lost in translation" and "saving silverman".

anyway- i thought and thought all night at work because there really isn't anything to concentrate on when you're simply putting up totes. is there? maybe i'm missing something.

since i've stopped reading brandy's journal, i feel much much much better about things and it has helped me put some things in perspective that really needed to be. however, my friends still like to read her journal because it is entertaining. of course they respect my decision to not partake in the amusements but every once in a while they give me an anecdote because it's too funny to keep all to themselves. from the very little that they have told me, i gather that brandy thinks i'm kind of unintelligent and maybe even boring. ??? i'm not exactly sure. it made me laugh. maybe i should be offended, but i'm really not. my only thought is this: for brandy's sake (and only because once i cared about her and i shared something that was unique and special with her, and i felt like she understood me and saw me in a way that very very very few have) i hope that she never realizes what she doesn't have. i'm not referring to myself. aside from that i'm referring to parts of everything else.

"i hear every sound, and now my eyes can see everything..." -lamb

new ideas for walgreens

2004-03-20T15:22:38Z

they need to put me on the fucking "new idea" commity or something like that, you know. i'm like full of them. i've decided that they need to put things like midol and other cramp-reducing medicine on a shelf that is eye-level instead of the bottom shelf. that's such a bad idea. they need to put a sign hanging up in the section that says, "walgreens understands mesturating womens' need to find things and go quickly. that's why we have set up a new 'period section' where you will find ALL of your period needs. we know that if things are where they are supposed to be you very well may take it personally or become irate or even start crying. we are here for you because we all have periods or are obscenely affected by them." hahahaha. that's what i think needs to happen, nyo. that's a GOOD idea. i mean seriously- how has there not been bloodshed or serial killings up until this point? it's all beyond me.

2 nights ago we had to close half of the store at a time because we were having the floor cleaned and people said the craziest things. maybe they were going to personally close down walgreens. maybe. some lady tried to sneak back there (against my better advice) and the cleaning people told her to get out of there, and she was mad. she asked me what she was supposed to do for socks in the morning. i told her i didn't know. then she asked me again, and i said, "wear dirty ones?" i should have said, "is this a rhetorical question because it feels like one?" and when she asked again i should have said, "ok. if you're not offering to suck my cock or money, i'm going to go back to not paying attention to you. i hope you find this somewhat suitable." i mean - she seriously wanted me to have a good answer for her about her damn sock problem at 2 in the motherfucking morning, nyo. i've got my own sock problems, and i don't even buy mine at walgreens at 2 in the morning.

sarah sees things differently, but i am under the strong impression that we are coming to an end here. civilization as we know it is either going to blow itself up or we're going to figure out that there really isn't a need for it and we've been living under these societal pretentions for far far far too long.

ok- enough for now.

saul

********************EDIT********************

i don't know how to spell commity. do you even understand what word i'm trying to use there? hopefully.

so this is scary

2004-03-19T04:32:31Z

am i this close-minded or is this that scary?

i hope i hope i hope

2004-03-18T22:55:54Z

i hope that everyone who claims to have stopped reading this journal can do so in the same way that the murry has stopped reading my journal. i mean - can't you tell that she's stopped? she's so good at stopping herself from reading this journal that she had to comment to an entry made on this journal.

hahahahahahahahahahahah

but she's not anti-semitic.

bahahahahahahahahaahahahhahaha.